Short Story

You think you know yourself well and feel that you understand what makes you tick and then something happens that makes you think againAbout a month ago I joined some friends on a Friday night in London for a drink and to say ‘goodbye’ to a work colleague who was was leaving. I’d dressed casually for the night in light coloured jeans, a loose top and a cotton jacket. The evening started out quietly and gradually became noisy and fun without being rowdy. I’d started drinking with someone who seemed keen and I was happy to share some of the evening with him.We drank wine and I always drink water with it to dilute the potential hangover. At about eleven I had to leave to catch a train home and I said goodbye to everyone and parted. The temperature had dropped more than I anticipated from earlier in the evening and I set off quickly to the Tube Station.There was a slight delay with the train but it arrived and was very crowded. I got on and moved inside to allow a few more people into the carriage. The train pulled out and I stood trying like everyone else not to look at the people around me. I needed to pee which surprised me as I had been about thirty minutes before I left the party but it was probably due to being cold when on the way to the station. I was not too concerned. The train stopped at the first two stations and the next was mine. It pulled away and then stopped in the tunnel. Nobody said anything and everyone just stood staring vacantly into empty spaces. The silence lasted for a few minutes and then quiet exasperation became slightly vocal as people wondered what was going on. I stood looking around and could feel the pressure on my bladder building. After another five minutes there was a message to say that we would be at the next station in about five minutes as they were moving a train that had broken down and apologised for the delay. I very discreetly pressed my legs together and tried not think about the need to pee. The ‘five minutes’ seemed like twenty and I tried not to move though I was conscious that I was fidgeting, I kept touching my hair and looking at my watch. I slowly crossed my legs. Nobody could notice as the carriage was too crowded.When the train finally moved it surprised me and I gently put my hand between my legs and squeezed slightly. I was feeling quite desperate but was confident now that the train was moving that I would be okay. The train moved slowly and kept stopping and for the first time I now started to worry. I kept looking down and crossed my legs tighter.The train finally pulled into the station. I started to move with the crowd of people getting off the train. I moved awkwardly as I could feel a pressure on my bladder I had not felt for a long time and made for the escalator. I wanted to walk up to get to the top quicker but chose to stay still as I felt it might be safer. I suddenly felt a sharp pain between my legs and felt a warm sensation in my my pants. I brought the flow under controI and quickly looked down. I was shocked to see a small wet stain on my jeans and put my hand between my legs hoping that nobody would notice. I knew I had to try to find the toilets as I sensed that as soon as I had released the first time I would struggle to hold the rest.I walked as quickly as I dared to the ticket barriers and despite my hands shaking managed to put the ticket into the gate and went through. I walked down the tunnel towards the Main Line Station and held my purse in front of me which I thought might conceal the stain. I reached the stairs leading up to the station and very carefully started to climb them. People were rushing past me as I could not move too quickly. I felt another sudden pain and almost stopped as I felt another warm flow of pee in my pants which was bigger than last time. I put my hand behind my back to cover my bottom and between my legs which I couldn’t see but felt wet.I got to the top of the stairs and knew by this time that I was wet both at the front and the back and just hoped that people wouldn’t notice. I was desperate to find the toilet even though I was wet as I knew there was more to come and my ability to hold on had almost gone.I walked into the Station concourse. People were making their way to their trains heading home and I made my way towards the toilets. I kept my eyes and mind focused on walking in a straight line whilst I held on to my pee. I walked slowly through the crowd past some people staring up at the Destination Boards. I could feel my muscles losing the fight to contain the inevitable flow and suddenly I started to pee. I tried to contain it as I had done before but could feel the pee now pouring uncontrollably into my knickers and I stood still and watched as the wetness spread on my jeans from my crotch down my legs and into a puddle forming at my feet.I was shaking. People were looking at me and I felt totally embarrassed as well as helpless. There was nothing I could do. I tried not to look at anybody and made my way towards the platform where my train would be. My legs were soaked and made a noise as they rubbed together when I walked and I was leaving a small trail of pee in my wake as it dripped from my trousers.People started to notice the stains down my legs, looking, pointing and sometimes smiling at their colleagues as I passed. I got to the gate for my train and waited to one side by a wall hoping to be less conspicuous. The train was shown as ready and I joined the queue to get on the train. I saw a container with free newspapers and grabbed the last few. I then held them in front of me as I went through the barrier hoping to cover up my wetness as much as possible.I got into a carriage which was not too crowded and put the newspapers onto a vacant seat and sat down on them.Nobody sat next to me and the train pulled away. After about four stops the guard came through the carriage asking for the tickets. She stopped next to me and I fumbled through my purse looking for mine. She looked at my jeans and then at me. ‘Have you..?’ I interupted. ‘Please, I’ve put newspaper on the seat. It’s not wet’, I said quietly.She looked at my ticket and then at me. ‘I’ve seen a lot worse. At least you put the papers there.‘I thanked her and she smiled. ‘Never mind’. Then she moved away.When the train pulled into my station I left it as late as possible to get up from the seat. I picked up the newspapers and quickly got off and then waited until everyone else had left the platform. I threw the papers in a bin and went through to the ticket barrier. The ticket collector looked me up and down. ‘You’ve had a good night’, he said smiling.When I came out of the station there were a few taxis but I knew none of them would take me so I walked home. The wetness was now very cold on my legs. I finally turned the corner for my flat and and stooped and peed again into my trousers. The spreading warmth was now comforting.When I got in I ran a bath and then washed myself before climbing in. I laid in the fragrant water and replayed in mind the events of the night. My fingers moved deftly between my legs and I knew that I had done something that had been one of my worse nightmares but which had now been a taboo that had been broken.By: Anne Taylor