Militairy Memories

Sighting? Well no, but sort of a story. Back in the late fifties and early sixties I was an enlisted member of the United States Air Force. In 1962 I was in a position as a peon who manned the coffee bar at my squadron operations facility. In this role I was privy to many pilots’ conversations.
There was one conversation that was particularly interesting, as you will see. My squadron was one of fighter interceptor aircraft in the New York/Washington D. C. air defense sectors. These fighter interceptors were two–seater, two engine aircraft capable of mach one speeds with a cruising range of 1500 miles. However, for the purposes of this story they normally cruised at less than mach one for less than 1500 miles.
These fighter/interceptors occasionally provided what was called morale flights. Morale flights were flights designed to transport military personnel to a base as close to their homes as possible when there was an emergency within the family of the said military person. The Red Cross coordinated the flights. Most of the time these morale flights would be on transports that were regularly operating, but occasionally they would require a flight on a fighter/interceptor.
Having established all that the conversation between two pilots at the coffee bar went something like this. Pilot two; “Where did you fly this weekend? The usual training flight?”
Pilot one, “No I had a Red Cross flight. I used one of the F–101’s to take a female airman to Davis–Monthan AFB.”
Pilot two; “How was the flight?”
Pilot one answered, “OK for me but I think my passenger would rather that it didn’t exist.”
Pilot two, “Why so?”
“Well, it was a female airman and her father was dying and she was the only one in the family capable of disposing of his remains and settling his estate. Early Saturday she was issued a flight suit, helmet, parachute, and briefed on the use of all these items. She was even given a small satchel to hold her personal effects on her lap during the trip. We met on the tarmac and I noted that she was a quite pretty lady and I assured that I would get her as close to home as fast as I could. I also noted that she fidgeted quite a bit while we were talking but I passed it off as nervousness. After all she was about to fly in a mach one jet fighter, who wouldn’t be nervous?”
When I leveled out at 30,000 I put on my best airline captain’s voice and explained to her that we would be flying at 30,000 at about 500 mph until we set down at Davis Monthan, AFB. The flight would take a bit under two hours and to sit back and relax.”
Pilot 2: “So why was the flight less than routine?”
Pilot 1: “About an hour into the flight I looked into the rear view mirror and noted that she had her oxygen mask off and that she was bawling like a baby. I ordered her to get her mask back on immediately. She did so but I also noticed a severe strain on her face when she lifted her head to put the mask back on. I appreciated the fact that her briefing was so good that I didn’t have to walk her through getting her mask back on.”
Pilot 2: “What do you think happened?”
Pilot 1: “Apparently all the hustle and bustle of the mornings briefings kept her from using a bathroom when she desperately needed to do so. The flight, though short by a pilot’s standards, was too long for her and she peed herself.”
Pilot 2: “Yeah, how do you know?”
Pilot 1: “After we parked at Davis Monthan she was able to disembark the aircraft before me and I noticed dark wet stains on the back side of her flight suit below the parachute pack. Also as I disembarked I glanced into the back seat and noted a puddle in the floor of the cockpit. I sort of felt sorry for the parachute packer and the aircraft crew chief for having to clean up after her but those guys have had to contend with far worse humiliations. She could have but didn’t vomit all over the consoles like some of the male passengers have done.”
Pilot 2: “It’s a shame that the pee tube and flight suits just aren’t conducive to females relieving themselves in flight.”
This story took place in the early sixties. Two decades later females are piloting those jet fighters. I wonder if the zippers go deeper on the flight suits and if the pee tubes have wider mouths.
DaveJ