Finally... On Purpose

In my previous story, I explained how I had my first–ever real accident when I was incredibly desperate and sneezed. I had decided to “hold it” on purpose, and had become so desperate that when I sneezed, I peed my pants.
But although I didn’t really enjoy peeing my pants, I really liked the feeling of being desperate, so I decided to do it again.
About a month after the incident described above, I once again found myself needing the toilet during our first fifteen–minute break period, and denying myself that relief because I wanted to be desperate again. I’ve found that having a full bladder is extremely pleasurable for me, and I often put off going to the toilet for long periods so that I can experience the pleasure of desperation.
So, on a similar day, I was already pretty desperate during our first break period, and knew that by the time our second break period rolled around, two hours later, I’d be on the verge of peeing my pants again. Or let me rather say, my panties, because on this day I was wearing a long, wrap–around skirt. I knew how desperate I’d be, and I let it happen. I worked hard during the next two hours, talking with the groups of people who came in and out of my work area, completing forms, filling in figures, your usual busywork.
By the time the second break period came round, I was almost at the stage of crossing my legs– almost, but not quite. I checked my watch. If I didn’t go during this break period, I’d have to wait another hour and three–quarters before I’d be able to go to the toilet. Gauging my level of desperation, I decided that I could make it. I’d wait until the end of the workday before relieving myself.
Let me tell you, that was a very long hour and three–quarters! After half an hour had passed, I felt a sneeze coming on. I jumped up, got a tissue out of the closet, and managed to blow my nose before I could actually sneeze and pee myself. However, the mere action of jumping up caused me to leak a bit into my panties. It wasn’t enough to do much more than make a tiny wet patch on my panties, however, so I was able to sit back down without worrying about any wetness showing on my skirt.
Another twenty minutes or so passed, and I finally crossed my legs to stave off the massive pee I could feel building up in my bladder. I checked my watch. Only about fifty minutes to go! I was starting to wonder if I could make it. Now, being no stranger to holding it, I knew I could stop myself from peeing before the “time limit” was up, but I had no idea if I could make it from my area of the complex to the bathroom afterwards. I’d just have to continue to hold it and hope that I could.
My legs were pressed tightly together as I sat there, enjoying the fullness of my bladder on the one hand, and hating how desperate I was on the other. And then I had an idea. It was something I’d never done before, but it was an attractive thought. I decided that I would deliberately wet myself!
Now, I’m one of those people who can’t pee if she has her panties on, or if she isn’t sitting on a toilet. I’ve never been able to; the accident with the sneeze notwithstanding. I’ve leaked occasionally, but only when I’ve been pretty desperate. The idea of letting go and just peeing myself, while wearing panties, on purpose, would be a foreign concept to my bladder muscles. But the more I thought about it, the more attractive the idea seemed. And I was so desperate at this stage that I felt I’d have to put in only minimal effort to start peeing.
How I lasted that last three–quarters of an hour I’ll never know. I still managed to work and talk to people, but I checked my watch every minute, or so it seemed. My bladder was bursting! Finally, the alarm sounded that ended the workday. All the people who come to us for tuition got up and left, and I just… sat there. I had to wait until the complex had cleared out before I could do my naughty deed.
In front of my work area we have a small grassy patch, with a few trees and some flowers on one side. It’s off–limits to people, being there for cosmetic purposes only, but the employees often stand on it while drinking tea or discussing things. I checked my watch and noted that five minutes had gone by since the alarm had sounded. I got up, clenching my bladder muscles tightly, and exited the room.
As nonchalantly as possible, I stepped over onto the grass, thanking my lucky stars that I’d chosen to wear a long skirt that day. It reached right down to the tops of my shoes and would hide my peeing from those around me. But I had unconsciously crossed my legs while standing there, and had to make a real effort to uncross my legs and stand there as though I were just getting some air.
Okay. Was the coast clear? My bladder hardly cared, but I still did. I looked around. Right on the other side of the complex, some young adults were buying candy at our “in–house” store. But none of them were looking my way. I checked the doors of the other rooms. Many tutors were still there (their doors were open – we have to close and lock them before we may leave), but none had come outside. It was as safe as it was going to get.
I had to uncross my legs yet again, having crossed them while looking around and not even noticed. Standing there, I attempted to relax my bladder and pee. Of course, nothing happened. My bladder was too well trained. Just then, a friend of mine came outside. “Hey, Erica, what are you doing?” she called.
Trying to sound nonchalant, I called back, “Nothing much; just standing in the breeze.” Of course, this friend of mine apparently decided she wanted to have a conversation! She walked up to me, but remained on the pathway and didn’t come onto the grass.
“Aren’t you going home?” she asked. I had to bite my lip before answering her. I could feel some pee leaking out and I didn’t want it to come hissing out while my friend was talking to me! I crossed my legs again.
“I still have a few things to do,” I replied. “I’ll go in about half an hour. What about you?” She replied that she was indeed going home. And off she went to lock her door. Luckily she didn’t come back to me as I stood there, now trying only to stem the tide. Pee was definitely starting to come out! She waved at me and disappeared around the corner. I forced my legs to uncross, took a deep breath and just waited. Maybe a minute and a half passed before more pee came out. It started slowly, but as I relaxed, it flowed out easily. I sighed deeply with relief, and then it really flowed out! It traveled along the crotch of my panties to the seams at the sides, then ran down my legs, which were only inches from each other. Most of it ran down my left leg, into and over my shoe, but some stray dribbles ran down my right leg as well. It started to taper off after a while, and I was then able to force the rest out, luckily without the telltale hissing sound.
Now that I had peed myself, I looked around again. There were still a few people milling about at the store, but no one had noticed anything out of the ordinary. My left foot felt wet. Of course, I had peed all over my shoe. Since I usually wear leather slip–on sandals, this wasn’t really a problem.
I walked around the side of the building to the tap for the gardening hose, and rinsed off both my shoes, with my feet still in them. If anyone saw me and asked what I was doing, I would just say that I had stepped in something sticky. I pondered whether saying it was gum would work, but no one even looked my way, let alone wondered what I was doing.
I stood on the grass again for a while, to let my shoes and legs dry. I didn’t want to leave wet footprints anywhere! I could feel that my panties were still extremely wet, and I knew I wouldn’t be able to sit down again without staining my skirt. I went back inside and packed up my things slowly while the pee continued to dry.
I was able to go to my car without incident, and once again I sat on a magazine to protect the car seat. The enormity of what I’d done only hit me once I had parked my car in the garage and gone around to the side door of the house. I stood in my garden, and had a minor panic attack. I had peed myself in full view of other people! I had actually, deliberately, peed in my panties! No one had seen or suspected, but I’d been lucky. What if someone had needed something urgent while I was focused inward and concentrating on peeing instead of looking around? Even now, I had a pee stain on the back of my skirt! What if my roommate had come home early? What had I been thinking?
I went into the house, threw my things onto the kitchen counter, and went into the bathroom to survey the damage. I did, indeed, have a large pee stain on the back of my skirt. It was obvious – at least to me – that I’d peed my panties and then sat down. I still felt pretty shaky from the realization of what I’d done, but I started to feel elated as well. This wasn’t the first time I’d deliberately been desperate, but it was the first time I’d peed myself on purpose! And although it had been scary, it had also felt good. I’d done it at last!
I disrobed quickly so that I could take a shower. I washed my peed–in panties and the back of my skirt, and then got into the bath. I really had to clean myself, because, let me tell you something, dried pee is itchy! So I took a long, hot shower and felt much better.
My roommate later commented on the good mood I was in for the rest of the night.:)
By: Erica S.