Babies

Nathan said, “How did that happen when you two are always pissing about?” He said it as a joke when I told him I was pregnant. We had gone by car to see him and AnnaMarie after the summer tour was over. They suggested we should come and help them celebrate November 5th and I’d found out about my pregnancy the previous week. My reply seemed to cause great amusement when I said, “It must have happened one night.”
I didn’t see what was so funny, it could have been the day Robert said he felt we were stuck in a rut and we did it in a bus shelter or it might have been the afternoon the gas man came and just missed us being disgraceful in the back of the van in our own driveway. We had quite an active week back before the beginning of October.
Whenever it was, I am delighted. I told Robert immediately I got the news. He was reading a book about aliens at the time, which probably explains why he said, in a rather detached way, “Do you think it will be human?” When he found out I was serious he jumped out of his chair and flung his arms round me. Then just as suddenly he let go and said, “Sorry– should I be treating you more gently from now on?”
I really am delighted, Robert has been such a lonely soul in the previous part of his life, and a family will be wonderful for us. But with him being a person who always looks for the downside of things so as not to be too disappointed when dreams don’t turn out as he hopes his next comment was “What if the poor thing inherits our worst qualities?”
Teasing him I said, “You mean if I give birth to a little fat bald chap who pees in his pants.”
Robert pondered a moment then said “Mmmm, yes I suppose most babies are like that.”
Later that evening we agreed that our habits might not be the best background for an aspiring citizen of the modern world. Whether we should abandon the wet way has been, as it were, put on hold for the time being. I told him that pregnancy often results in wet accidents and he promised not to complain and to wash the bedding if such a thing happened. I brought him down to earth by reminding him that he already does this more often than most people have to.
To say he’s excited would be an understatement. In the two months that we’ve known about it he has prepared a room in the house, bought a warehouse full of nappies, made a cradle and visited numerous sales to buy children’s clothes. Yesterday I went to a gynecologist who says its more or less certain that all the supplies will be necessary since I’m going to have twins.
The logistics of coping with two tiny children while running next year’s advertising trip have yet to be understood but Robert can usually solve problems like that.
Somehow, in the back of my mind, I thought that being pregnant would reduce my horniness quotient. It’s rather the reverse and I find that I’m thinking about my body all the time and feeling its parts more intensely. Result, if we had been too active in the early part of the autumn, now we hardly let a day pass without an intense cuddle if you know what I mean.
If an expectant mother passes on to her children the feelings she has while carrying them they will be sex crazed little beings. To give you an example; on Saturday morning when it was still dark at 8 I woke with a very full bladder and a deep desire to please us both. Now he’s always amorous in the early morning but I’m usually half asleep so it’s more of a one–sided thing with Robert expressing his love in exaggerated flattery with voluptuous gestures. As he’s always like that whether I feel like it or not I’m used to the sensation of his willy prodding me when I wake up.
This Saturday I was keen but not yet fully aware. The prodding lower down was there and I felt it would be nice to give him a surprise by responding straight away. The full bladder poses a problem since I find it uncomfortable to have sex till its empty. So I emptied it.
Without waiting to see what he had to say I rolled on top of him with the bed hot and squelchy around us. In the past our sex has been very slow, taking anything up to an hour, but this was over as quickly as the bus stop event had been. I’ve no idea what a sprinter feels like after a hundred yards race but if they sweat and pant like we did that morning they need to be fit.
I could never have imagined myself writing about this before I met Robert although I did often imagine doing it. What I could not have imagined as well was the look of happiness on his face when it finished.
It’s not true to say when it finished because it carried on for the rest of the day and we consummated our marriage twice more before dozing off in the bath at five that evening. Can you imagine falling asleep in the bath when sharing it with someone else? The final episode of the day was as we woke up and commented how the water had gone cold. Without a word we grinned at each other and warmed it up a little.
Wrapped in big fluffy towels smelling of talc and having my hair brushed by the fire with a glass of wine must be one of my definitions of luxury. It’s even more enjoyable because Robert seems to be at his affectionate best then and he has often said that it is his favorite occupation to give me a bath and pamper me afterwards. I think we are both big babies………too true.
Well it won’t be long now till we can both do it for a baby each, perhaps then we shall grow up. It’s the Christmas holidays now, and by the middle of July there’ll be four of us.
In all these stories you must have wondered how we financed our wanderings. Robert told me to include this bit because he’s proud of the success of our boating venture.
When we first met he lived on his savings and an occasional boating job while I was a filing clerk in a plastics factory. While getting to know each other he had another boat built with advertisements painted on its sides and now we push it around the country each year visiting clients and customers of the advertisers supplying them with literature and samples which we carry in the new boat.
One of Robert’s wilder ideas is to fit out the other boat as a nursery so we can take our family with us. With the twins he is thinking of trying to interest a baby food manufacturer or even a fertility clinic in our service. We did wonder if we could use it to advertise “Skymouse Productions” but cancelled the thought as being outrageous. How do you tell your offspring that their parents are piss artists? More seriously, we would like to encourage others to see that if you do what you enjoy it will provide a living. In our case we are earning enough to keep us all in clean dry clothing, plenty to drink and food enough to satisfy a small army. What I like about it is the four months holiday each winter.
That week when we went to Swindon to see Nathan and AnnaMarie marks the end of our very wet stories. Bonfire night was on the Tuesday and we had arrived on Monday evening. The two of them always show immense pleasure to see us even though they are a good deal younger than we are.
The two men love to sit about talking of engines and spanners and other silly things whilst AnnaMarie gives me all the latest about her life with Nathan. He really is the most handsome man I ever knew and without Robert I would have been desperately jealous of her but as it is we are such good friends that it is like being able to enjoy two men.
She told me that they sometimes spend a whole day in bed. Since we introduced them to the wet way they have included some of our games in their full day exploits. A game they invented which we have never tried requires some preparation but sounds good. They have two pairs of handcuffs made of a soft rope, which they put on themselves after putting their arms round each other. The idea is to spend the day attached to one another without taking the handcuffs off. The contortions to feed and drink and pee are great fun, as they have to do everything for the other and not themselves. They can both turn round but are not allowed to step out of the embrace. Can you imagine going to the toilet like that? Drinking they call spillage. It takes ages to manage beans on toast and the beans don’t all reach someone’s mouth.
Although they are both good looking people they are similar to us in some ways. They enjoy their wet exploits, they both like boating, and greatest of all they are also going to be parents. AnnaMarie will be a mum a month or two before me so we’ll be able to talk babies. Being such a petite person her bulge is very noticeable already whereas mine doesn’t show yet.
As you would imagine much of the stay was taken up with baby talk but Wednesday we decided on a wet day as the last of our youthful folly. Robert objected to this and insisted it was the beginning of his second childhood. This is really disgusting, so if you get a bit squeamish perhaps you would do better to leave here.
Our plan was to rise early, drink heartily, visit an out of town surplus store, drink heartily on the way back, lock the door, and not remove our clothing till 10 that night. We played the opposite of “hold it”. The only rule was that you didn’t pee on the carpet or the soft chairs otherwise you peed where you wanted. Oh, but we did. At the dining table, in the kitchen, sitting on a plastic pouffe, in the bath, in a plant pot, in the utility room (we found five separate puddles there when we came to clean up), all down the cellar steps and one enterprising athlete had left their mark on the front doorstep, outside! That turned out to be AnnaMarie who had found a funnel and a tube and fed it through the letterbox while standing on a chair.
As a game it was a source of much merriment but a failure because we realized too late that our wet pants made it impossible to sit in a comfy chair. To finish the festivities we played a card game round the kitchen table which involved turning the cards over one by one. If you got a knave you could take off one item of clothing but you had to drink a mug full as well. It took till 10:30 before three of us were bare and Nathan was the winner sitting there in sodden boxers. It took another hour to clean up which we did naked. We each took a room and I got the utility, which was easy because all I needed was a bucket and mop. We forgot the cellar.
So now we become sensible people who are responsible parents. One day when the children are older and we have a family holiday us adults will sit around in the evening and tell laughable stories about our foolishness when we were younger.
We’ve enjoyed telling our story almost as much as living it. There are some variations from the truth and many incidents avoided; also we have changed our names. As it is we could be easily identified by anyone who has spent the last few years on the canals of England.
If you want to email us we are at ccco@myisp.co.uk
So, from May and Robert– goodbye with a big wet kiss.
Shara’s We have loved reading of their adventures, and know that many of you have as well! Thank you, Robert and May, for such a wonderful package of stories and letting us share in your life– you are truly an inspiration for many of us! And lastly, Blessings to you and your future babies! Please drop us a line and let us know that everything went well. We can’t wait to hear more from you!
Robert and May